SSWC09 Declaration of Riptasticness!

Rad Ross Schnell by T. Herb Belrose

The results are official, and Radical Ross Schnell is the new SS WORLD CHAMPION! Ross finished the impossibly impossible course of radical impossibility in a whopping sixtyish seconds and blurtyfive minutes!

“I couldn’t have done without the help of my spirit guide, Terry Bradshaw,” said Rad.

Here are the results in the men’s category:

1. Rad Ross Schnell

2. Chi Chi Rodriguez

3. JORDAN (Jordan was seriously ripping today, even while battling a stomach flu).

Heather Irmiger by T. Herb Belrose

In the women’s category, there was some fantastic SS battle action, with reports of at least six knock-em-out drag-em-down catfights on the course. The meanest lady of all, Heather Irmiger, crossed the finish line with blood under her fingernails and a string of freshly assembled teeth around her neck.

Official SSWC09 Women’s Results:

1. Heather Irmiger

2. Harriet Tubman (not the fastest girl, but she had some serious secret shortcuts assembled).

3. Jacquie Phelan

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Oh Canada…

Eric from Canada by T. Herb Belrose

For those of you looking for race updates, I have nothing for you. There are at least 2900 people somewhere out in the gulch running amok!

Last night the party was delayed by rain. The organizers put tarps over the stage and got the show rolling in full SSWC09 style.

In SSWC10 news, Italy and New Zealand pulled a major upset over local favorite Canada. Budapest withdrew consideration after the rest of Hungary expressed a major disinterest in helping him. The Basketball game shall be the great decider…

Italy vs New Zealand

Holy cow. Tomorrow it’s on, if you have mad basketball skills and want 2010 worlds to go to NZ or IT, let them know by 530 after the race tomorrow. Issac and John have moved on and need to get a team of racers to win the big game. This is for real as two 20 minute halfs of cutthroat basketball will determine the host for 2010.

so rad

Alterations by Kate. She kicked butt

ATTENTION LADS AND LADIES!

Roger Seliner by T. Herb Belrose

This is our friend Roger Seliner. Many of you may not know Roger, but those that do know him also love him.

Roger is a man of many facets and talents. He is also Vishnu: Destroyer of Flesh.

Should you choose to win tomorrow’s SSWC09 Main Event, Roger will be waiting for you with a needle and a cup of ink.

Roger hates the way plain old skin looks and he is fully primed and inclined to destroy your flesh and make it beautiful.

I promise that he will drop the fucking hammer on your flowery epidermis…

God Bless Your Souls.

Herb Belrose.